Happy Birthday Teabag

It’s my birthday… so I’m getting myself something that rhymes with nice!


Teabag – On The Subject Of Treats


There has been some debate lately regarding how and when you should treat your cat. Let me just say… IGNORE EVERYTHING DASHA SAYS!

Your cat is amazing and superior and should have treats all the time. In fact, the first thing you should do in the morning, is load your pockets up with treats so you always have them handy. Treatworthy events include; napping, walking, breathing, purring, going outside, coming inside, walking on the kitchen counter, sitting on cushions, looking out of the window, playing with the red dot or the feather and eating.

Extra special double treats should be given at bath time and trips to the vet and for sitting quietly while being poked, probed, injected, for suffering the indignity of being put in a box, on birthdays and special occasions (we cats hold all major and minor religious festivals, from all religions, bank holidays, significant calendar events involving people we like such as Ghandi’s first day of school and Salvador Dali’s first moustache (you’ll need to ask your cat for the full list, but to be safe just assume every day is a significant day) and all special days pertaining specifically to cats. You are also obliged to double treat when your cat has been especially cute or funny or has attained a view on YouTube of said funny or cute action.

There is absolutely no excuse for withholding treats.



10 Great Treats For Your Cat


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Tuna Junkies


A long time ago I made a big mistake… having run out of Teabag’s favourite cat food, and being averse to going out in the rain to the shops… and a bit lazy,  I gave Teabag some tuna from my cupboard. Huge, massive, epic mistake. Now he refuses to eat anything else. I suppose it’s not really his fault, we all have some type of food-based Achilles Heel, something which we love but know is bad for us, and to a cat, tuna has such a strong flavour and smell that the poor thing really can’t resist. He’s hopelessly addicted.

So let me explain why this is so bad, firstly he is getting very malnourished, he simply does not have the variation in his diet that he needs to be healthy. On top of this, tuna contains pretty much zero vitamin E and I think it has given him Steatitis, he’s lumpy, grumpy, greasy, flakey and I think he might be depressed.

So, I developed a 12 step process to wean him away from tuna.

  1. Order padded attack dog training suit (there will be scratches).
  2. Carefully broach the subject of the many other foods available.
  3. Get scratches and be brave about it.
  4. Beg Teabag to eat something else.
  5. Try to bribe Teabag with extra playtime.
  6. Threaten with chicken soup and his travel cage.
  7. Cave in to all Teabag’s multitudinous complaints, demands and negotiations.
  8. Settle for stirring extra vitamin E into Teabag’s tuna.
  9. Replace pure tuna with a mix of tuna, Vit E and a tiny bit of tuna flavoured cat food.
  10.  Slowly increase the ratio of tuna flavoured cat food to pure tuna.
  11. Only give Teabag tuna flavoured cat food.
  12. Stick to my guns no matter what.

I think in 5-10 years I can get him completely pure tuna-free!

What Do I Feed My Cat?


What do you feed your cat? Well I’m just guessing, but I doubt your cat eats rainbows and sunshine, so really there are only two or three other choices, and even out of these, your cat is going to be very picky about what they want and what they like, and will go on hunger strike to get its point across, so you might be even further limited. Teabag, for example, has a hideous diet and will only eat tuna. Fingers crossed your cat is a bit more normal!

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