I love Teabag so much. Most cats have a crazy half hour about once a day, Teabag somehow manages, on average, two an hour. As long as he’s not sleeping, and then sometimes you can tell he’s dreaming it. I don’t know what he has against kitchen roll, but it’s immense fun to throw a roll into the mix every so often. You’d think there’d be some remorse for murdering it afterwards, but no… he denies everything. Once, I swear, he mewed and it sounded like “What are you looking at, I don’t live here, I don’t even know you, and I definitely did not do that.” He’s brilliant.
That was awful, I hate you Dasha. You tricked me!
Today, I want to say something about Children in Need. As the great philanthropist that I am, I occasionally pick a cause and it is about time I said something about Little Peoples. There are lots out there that are deprived, and as far as I can make out, don’t even have kittens to look after them! What are you Big Peoples thinking? This situation cannot continue. If I could I would go out and create some kittens myself to rectify this awful situation but sadly I cannot, so I offered to give all my treats for a whole week. Which made Dasha laugh a lot, which I feel was rather unkind. She said that she didn’t think children would really enjoy eating cat treats and that if I really wanted to help then I should raise some money by getting into a bath of beans. Which makes absolutely no sense. How does that raise money, or help anyone? You Big Peoples really are so illogical, no wonder your Little Peoples are all shambollical! But Dasha said she would donate £20 if I got in a bath of beans and that other Peoples might too, she said it was traditional. I guess I don’t understand Peoples and I don’t understand money or your weird traditions… so for no reason, I’m going to get covered in beans. Maybe you will donate to the Little Peoples so they can get the things they need, like roofs and coats and nurses and everything they need to be great and happy Peoples… and especially so they can get kittens.
BBC Children In Need