Feeding Your Peoples

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As a cat, it’s my duty to make sure that my owner eats healthy. Which Dasha does and doesn’t. A lot of the time she eats healthy but also a lot of the time she eats some stuff called junk. As far as I know junk is the same as garbage so I don’t really understand why she eats garbage but she says it tastes good. Which is what I said about tuna, but she’s being weird about my tuna and so now I’m going to be weird about her garbage. So I’m getting in the way, putting her off and knocking it on the floor whenever I can.

One of the worst things she eats is a pot with what looks like worms in it, so every time she goes shopping I attack the bags and claw them to pieces. She also eats far too much cake and sometimes she gets fat. So I try to walk over her cakes and smash them up which makes her very cross, but it’s for her own good.

I know she won’t listen to me, but the rest of you Peoples should:

People’s evolved to be omnivorous, because they aren’t quite as good hunters as cats, which means what you need is variety in your diet. If you eat too much of one thing or another, you will get very unhealthy and you won’t be able to do things so well.

You need to eat a balanced diet, lots of starchy foods like potatoes and pasta so you get your fibre and lots of vegetables so you can get all your vitamins and minerals, not just 5 a day, it should be 12 a day. Then you need to eat 140g of oily fish and 140g of white fish every week for protein and then 70g of meat a day, on the days you’re not eating fish. Those weird ones who don’t eat meat or fish need to have loads of beans instead. You also all need to eat milk and cheese.

Now cats, if you see your owner eating anything else and it smells or looks fatty or sugary, then you need to make sure your owner gets more exercise. My advice is to get all messy and make them chase you round the house to give you a bath. You need to pick your time though, when Dasha has just eaten loads of junk she can’t run very well and just gives up, so you need to anticipate when they think they might be able to catch you and exercise them exactly then.

If you Peoples need more better information you should look at the British Nutrition Foundation website.

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