Help! My Cat Is Covered In Paint!



I’m not even going to ask how that happened… but I have three great solutions nonetheless:

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Microchipping Your Cat


Microchipping your cat is a very sensible idea if you want vets, local authority animal welfare services and animal welfare charities to be able to identify your cat in the event that either you, or it, gets lost. On average getting your cat microchipped will cost £20-30 and then the only other costs are a small fee to update your details if you decide to move house or change your name. So it’s a total no brainer.

  • Microchipping is the most effective way of identifying lost pets.
  • Microchips are permanent and can’t be removed by your average stranger like a collar can.
  • Microchips are also safer that a collar which can result in various CRI’s (Collar Related Injuries)
  • A Microchip can also help in cases of disputed ownership although it does not constitute complete unequivocal proof.

I know what you’re thinking… Wow! tell me more… right?!

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Spaying and Neutering


So this one isn’t a very popular subject… amongst present company, but I do have a few pointers that may help all you loving cat owners, because it is a necessary evil. The average female cat can produce three litters of six kittens every year and,  as much as I prefer things to be left in their natural state and semi-abhor tinkering with other living creatures, if you don’t do this, you are simply unleashing multitudes of feral kittens into the world. Let’s be honest, you may love your cat to bits and refer to yourself as a crazy cat man or woman, but 18 cats and rising… is well beyond crazy. The way Teabag “alley-cats” around the neighbourhood the human race would have some serious competition for our current position at the top of the food chain if he wasn’t fixed. So really it’s for the greater good.

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Teabag – Dreams


I know Dasha thinks I dream of chasing mice. I would be annoyed, but I have better things to do, and it’s not her fault, she’s just a People, and all cats know that all People are simple-minded. It’s one of the reasons we domesticated them and have stuck around for so long looking after them.

The truth is, I dream of air that is hot and dry. Air that is alive and twisting in the heat. Alive, but without breath. The grassland is thirsty and still. As I stalk, silently my paws disturb tiny particles of dirt which rise in tendrillous curls around my claws, which twitch and wait impatiently to be unleashed. Then the scent, teases my whiskers and nostrils, I breathe in deeply, my heart races, I feel blood pounding inside my head. But I wait. I must move closer, unseen, invisible. I am the dry brittle parched grass, I am the dust, I am the air, shimmering and writhing in the scorching sun. I feel my muscles tense, the beating in my heat is getting louder, I burst out of the grass, paws tearing and scraping at the earth. The herd is running too, but I don’t see them, I have my prey in sight and I can see nothing else. It starts, runs the wrong way, away from the herd. I knew it would. I am at its side, I smell its fear and sweat as I leap up and sink my teeth into the back of its neck. I hear its pained, panicked lowing, the sound makes me tighten my jaw.. A lioness comes alongside and sinks her beautiful claws into the struggling buffalo, our weight pulls it down onto its knees. It will all be over soon, the lioness takes its throat in her powerful jaws and crushes its windpipe. Then I wake up.

…Mice I ask you, there are far more terrible and glorious acts to dream of than those that result in the death of a mouse.